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Petal Alderin Profile
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The Rant thread


In August last year my frail s-i-l who suffers from Alzheimers and lives in a care home received notification from her pension fund and medical aid that it was time for her to prove that she still exists. This involves getting a commissioner of oaths to physically see that she's alive, and all sorts of documentation is required including a copy of her ID book. John took the forms along with her ID book to the care home, because they arrange it all there ... all the residents need to do the same thing and they have an arrangement that the legal eagle goes there every weekend to sign and certify paperwork as and when necessary.

The forms had to be in by mid-September, but they do allow a six month leeway - fortunately. We thought everything was hunky dory until Saturday, when John went to visit her, and by chance asked if he could have her ID book back because we think it's safer to keep it here. They opened her file to get the ID and ... yeah, you guessed it! The forms were all still in her file, and the idiot clerk whose job it is to send them off in time, had neglected to do so. Typical of today's nonchalant, inefficient attitude in many cases here.

Mad scramble for us! We couldn't do anything until this morning, but had to rush around and write letters, send emails, make phone calls and beg the pension fund administrator's understanding about it all .. and I had to zoom to the post office as soon as they opened this morning, to post everything off via registered mail. Being a government department they don't accept counter-to-counter or courier services, nor express mail. How stupid is that? Anyway it has to be there by Friday the 4th or her pension will cease, and to get it reinstated is a huge palaver. We have snail mail and I was told it could take a week to get from here to Pretoria, which will be too late. So fingers crossed!

I'm so tired of being inconvenienced and stressed and having to rush around looking after old people! Well I don't really mind looking after the elderly but just once in a while I get the zig to it all ... life could be a lot less frazzled if I didn't spend half my time sorting out problems for everyone else that aren't of my making.

Rant over!



Edit: to change thread name and to add:
Petal I'm making this sticky because I think I need it.

 

Last edited by Morwen Oronor, Mar/4/2011, 8:27


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Jan/31/2011, 19:45 Link to this post Send PM to Petal Alderin
 
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Re:


Doesn't she have children to look after her affairs for her?

Last edited by Morwen Oronor, Feb/25/2012, 10:48
Feb/1/2011, 9:37 Link to this post Send PM to Morwen Oronor
 
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One son who emigrated to New Zealand in June last year. One daughter living in the northern province who bleeds her dry at every opportunity so we've put a stop to that ... no ways could she be let loose with the finances!! And another son who lives on the other side of the country.
That leaves us.

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Feb/1/2011, 13:20 Link to this post Send PM to Petal Alderin
 
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You're far too good. I'm not like that at all. I don' t want to know my sisters' problems and I don't care about what their kids do, they raised them, they have to deal with what they created.

When I did try to help, I was called a busy-body and they left me to deal with everything until she and i had a row and I told her what I thought of her kids just not being interested. She left and now has to deal with whatever they dish out on her own. I won't do that again. As I said, you're far too good.
Feb/1/2011, 18:49 Link to this post Send PM to Morwen Oronor
 
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I don't think so at all Mo - I simply do what needs to be done. And I do care about the old people. I'm sorry you had such a bad experience with your sister and family ... at least I know that these folk are truly very grateful for our help with anything and everything. And my sister-in-law doesn't even know that she gets a pension anymore or where she is, never mind that she needs to prove her existence - so if we don't help her, who will? Maybe someone will be kind to me when I'm gaga one day ...


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Feb/1/2011, 19:20 Link to this post Send PM to Petal Alderin
 
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One of my sisters was chatting to me about this last night. They also live in a village full of old people. They have a problem with hospitals. Those who have medical aid (health insurance) are lucky in that they can go to private doctors and hospitals, those who don't have to queue up at the government hospital and to get attended to have to leave the village at 4 in the morning to get to the front of the line. For their prescription medicines, they have to do this every month.

She says that she refuses to drive into the township at that time of the morning, and she certainly won't allow her husband, who as you know is not well, to do it either. But these people do this. And these are people who have families but whose families abdicate their responsibilities because they know that other people will do it for them. One old lady is 88, she lives on her own in a 3-bedroomed house with no support at all, her kids being far away, one in Portugal.

Sorry but I'm not doing that sort of thing for people who knew what they were getting into when they moved to the town. I know what my limitations are, and I'm putting my affairs in order so that when the time comes I'll be in a place where there are people who I'm paying to do it for me. I won't take care of anyone who goes "gaga" it's up to each of us to see to it that when the day comes, that there is a person there to do what has to be done, even if that means that some comforts have to be sacrificed.

Also, gratitude is not enough. I don't want to be beholden to people I don't pay, and I don't want anyone to owe me anything. That's just me. I'm not a 'good samaritan' and I'm the first person to admit it. Of course my husband is different, he'll bend over backwards for other people and then on the one occasion when I did give in and ask for help, all I got on the drive to and from the hospital was a long lecture about how I was doing everything wrong, so no thanks never again. I have enough insurance to pay for an emergency helicopter and for the doctor to come here at any time of the day or night. I'll pay for whatever service I need, I will never ask anyone for help again.
Feb/2/2011, 9:27 Link to this post Send PM to Morwen Oronor
 
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That's why we moved here - when the time comes that I do go "gaga" I will be moved to the frail care and that will be that!

I'm with you, and agree with what you say about independence and not being beholden to others, and that's why we decided to sort out our own retirement and not wait till we were too ill or frail and leave those decisions to our family. Some people don't actually choose to go to a retirement place but are literally "dumped" there by their uncaring selfish families and they're the ones who crawl and cringe inside when they need to ask for help from us. And it's just not in my nature to ignore people who are ill and need help in small ways I suppose ...

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Feb/2/2011, 9:38 Link to this post Send PM to Petal Alderin
 
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As I said you're a far better person that I.
Feb/2/2011, 9:46 Link to this post Send PM to Morwen Oronor
 
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Not at all, just have different things to deal with ...

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Feb/2/2011, 9:53 Link to this post Send PM to Petal Alderin
 
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I want to rant about people who ask "have you lost weight?"
I feel inclined to reply with my own question "are you saying I was a lardarse the last time you saw me?"

When will people realise that saying anything about someone's weight is insulting. It's none of your business whether someone has lost weight, you wouldn't tell a friend who is indeed looking like a lardarse "gosh but you've put on a lot of weight!" So why is it OK to insult their previous size by commenting on their weight loss? I swear the next person that says that to me is going to get the question "was I really fat before?"
Mar/4/2011, 8:23 Link to this post Send PM to Morwen Oronor
 


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